A Letter to my Mother
As I write this letter on your 4th death anniversary, I look back to all the years of upbringing and unconditional love and care you have showered over me, esp as a kid. I look back on our journey as family.
On a day like this, while most would want to talk about the happy times shared — I think my happy moments with you were majorly as a child. As an adolescent there were disagreements and fights — there were tears of sorrow — of not living up to each other’s expectations, of irritation and frustration. And before I could come out of it as a mature daughter, I was hit by the reality that I would have to lose you forever and that I would never get the opportunity.
From the oldest memories I have as a kid that knew you, you were the single most fun person to be around. You would inspire, motivate and also play along my mischiefs. You always stood like a pillar by my side and took pride and joy in my achievements. Everything I remember I did as a kid, was always and always to make you proud and happy.There are times today when I feel that nothing is worth pursuing while back then you made even the smallest activity worthwhile. You were the smile to my face and the joy of my soul.
As a teenager (I was no different :/) we had disagreements and fights. Our days would start with us yelling our hearts out at each other. And when the storm would calm down we would smile wearily about how we could easily not be blood related.
You had never been fond of my friends. While my friends had stereotyped me as a wall flower, you were almost convinced I could be on drugs! Thinking about it today, I wish I was even half as wild as I was in your mind..haha.
I could never gain your trust as a teenager — and that’s the only regret I have today. The mother I had in my teenage and adolescent days was a completely different person from the one who loved and guarded me as a child. I never got a chance to understand her or had the wisdom to handle the phase maturely with her. I wish I could be your friend and confidante you most needed. I wish I could tell you that I truly had done a lot for you with the sincerest of intentions than what you could see or believe. I wish I could make you believe that I truly loved you. I regret I could not earn your love and trust back then.
You were a beautiful strong woman. You helped the needy and could withstand any turmoil. Even with the numerous medical tests and operations you had to go through, you would be strong willed and come out of it with a smile on your face. You made sure you bounced back after every surgery and kept the house running.
Mother, you’ve taught me to work hard and be simple. You’ve raised me to be an independent girl. I am proud of who I am today and for the values I live by and I know a majority of the credit goes solely to you and Papa.
On this day, I just wanted to tell you that I miss my childhood dearly and our happy times together. I will make sure I live up to and fulfill the dreams you had shown to me a child. I will always look for you in the stars at night cause you were the brightest one in my life.